Thursday, December 31, 2015

The Final Fisking of '15

John Hawkins thinks these are The 20 Best Quotes of 2015. I think I'll paraphrase them by way of rebuttal, or, rebut them by way of paraphrasing, however that phrase works.

20) "Ooh, I'm all butch and badass and everything because I'm not sensitive about feefees" -- Narc Swine
19) "Yadda yadda yadda, blah blah blah" -- Piggy Pooman
18) "War is kewl" -- Nom Bottom
17) "The most extremely right wing party ever, which is right wing to an infinite and increasing degree, isn't right wing enough, WAA!" -- Ben 'Towda' Shapiro
16) "Ah jus plumb don't cotton to this yoooropeen hawgwash, 'cuz I'z setch a shovenistical hillbilly type, an I hearby invoke Godwin!" -- Thumbs Ass So Well

15) " " -- Gym Teacher
14) "Hate crimes are the bees knees" -- Avid Frencher . . . of butts
13) "I deny that racism exists" -- Generic Gay Mind
12) "I'm ignorant because somehow in High School I didn't learn that George Orwell was a socialist" -- Robert Tracesoffecesinski
11) "The police are infallible" -- Carl "I'll bet this means something gross on urban dictionary" Jackson
10) "Greed is good" -- Bugged Dowlow
9) "Martin Bashir gave my MOM the old 'Carl Jackson'" -- Donald (Wait for it) CHUMP!
8) "I like to question the patriotism of freethinking iconoclasts" -- Jewnah Goldbug
7) "I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face, and a big butt, and my butt smells, and I like to kiss my own butt" -- Ass Cut Turds
6) "I hate gay people because I'm a big fag" -- Seven Dill Holes On
5) "I'm a big chicken traitor who's letting the terrorists win" -- Meat Ballsh
4) "Boo hoo, no fair, my fee fees" -- Zed Loose
3) "I'm so privileged and entitled and everything I think I should be allowed to disagree with underpriveleged voices who have been silenced for too long" -- Peegan McGargle
2) "I'm so evil I ridicule my own practical idea for peace in the middle east" -- Wayne Lap Pooer
1) "I am literally made entirely of racism" -- Snark Heaving

Saturday, December 26, 2015

Year end best of 2015

I posted a lot this year, and it wasn't all poo.

Rights are for The People, not those people.
T R E A S O N ! ! ! ! !
The original Guy Who Got It.
Everyone is just as bad as everyone else, except me, I'm implicitly better for realizing that.
Intense suffering remembered.
Esoteric TRVTH, that's the best kind of truth.
Wall of Seperation, disregarded.
Slavery benefactor hushes it up.
Bigot lashes out at people who are different.
A noteworthy addition to the list of new n-words.
Abortion is so awesome, guiz.
I call dogwhistle.
In which I am introduced to Laurie Penny.
Elections are only valid when they have a certain outcome.
I MONKEY-FIGHTING LOVE ME SOME MONKEY-FIGHTING SCIENCE!
In which I bait thy click.
Ancient Yiddish curse: May you attempt sarcasm on the internet.
Science, democracy, whatever, I love it all.
Whinging bibley-wibley wussy whiners get shut down by science.
Science has failed.When it reaches the wrong conclusions, then it has obviously sold out to the international bankers cabbal.
Did they ever actually decide who to put on the $10?
A tale of privilege and entitlement.
Hey, this one's about Sarah Palin. I should tag those.
Minority Othered, then apologizes, because the patriarchy brainwashed her, I guess.
Racism rebutted, with extreme prejudice.
Send for your NYT decoder ring to find out who causes all of the wars: sʍǝſ ǝɥ┴
Have I mentioned how awesome abortion is?
Education defended.
Boy, Donald Trump sure is a Nazi, ammirite?
The "I'm a pedophile, you're the monsters" guy was only a few months ago? Seems like it's been longer.
So many posts this year, and only one fisking?
What an embarrassing position this unfortunate fellow has been placed in by those embarrassing people.
I actually screencapped this one from facebook myself.
You had a chance to start Christmas shopping early this year.
Sally Kohn hates Muslims.
Myopic reactionary opposes rape, instead of opposing rape culture, which is what is cool to do instead now.
Objectivist stoners think they're smarter than law students.
I guess I actually did two fiskings this year. Forgot this one.
More people would understand this if they'd been able to witness firsthand how VIVACIOUS this maniac was.
Get a load of all this ooga-booga thoughts and prayers woo.

OK, I think you're pretty much up to date now.

Thursday, December 24, 2015

N.M. Bashir has invited you to play Sarah Palin War on Christmas Soundboard

A special holiday diversion via NYmag. Sarah Palin Christmas Audiobook — Daily Intelligencer, from New York Magazine
Sarah Palin in a Christmas hat

The best of times, the worst of times

This year, there was a lot of advanced logic, and a lot of people got it. But there was also a lot of first amendment alarmism and poop swastikas.

Thursday, December 3, 2015

This is punching up, so it must be funny

This is exactly what it would be like if the humorless hatespewers who rely on the shock value of the N-word were to have their way. They may SAY that they object to affected hypersensitivity and malicious misrepresentation, but you and I know what they ACTUALLY, secretly mean.

Monday, November 30, 2015

Does this look like a hoax?

pooop.......p
.........o.......o

.........o.......o
pooooooop
o.......o.........
o.......o.........
p.......pooop
Not sure just what happened here. If I've been sleepwalking, or I got robo-hacked, or what. One thing is clear, though: Whoever runs blogger must resign. Because something like this could not possibly just be some random schizophrenic, or left-wing awareness raising guerilla theater.

Sunday, November 22, 2015

10 Things About Denmark (#8 will make you crap in someone's mouth)

Roslyn Layton wants Bernie Sanders and Paul Krugman to know 10 things about Denmark (where they poop icecream and do everything opposite of the U.S.) I want her to hear 10 rebuttals:

1. You accepted pay for typing the phrase, "corporate partnership for sustainability going forward". Shame on you.

2. Is too.

3. You sound like a typical Amerikkkan filthy capitalist running-dog bourgeois pig reactionary teatard misogynistic shill scab.

4.

5. Putting people out of work to make the welfare system work better? Well, OK, Ms. Whackadoodle Crazypants.

6. Sounds like I should dump my Danish telecom stock, because "limited government involvement" = apocalyptic dystopian chaos.

7. So just eliminate or re-educate all the people who don't trust the government, duh.

8. Just absurd on the face of it, everyone knows that Scandinavians are all atheists and that's the main reason they're superior to ooga booga skyfairy ka ka poo poos.

9. It sounds like you're saying we should collaborate with fascists?

10.

Thursday, November 19, 2015

Entitled old rich cishet tries to shut down dissenting young progressive voices

Presumably then, he's totally OK with poop swastikas, rape threats, and attempted ethics in video game journalism. That's it. That's my rebuttal. Presuming that, is the rebuttal.

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

10 Things Free Speech Doesn't Mean

According to Laurie Penny. Entitled old white liberals are silencing dissenting voices and shutting down young progressives. That's bad. Enemies of progress suffer consequences. That's good.

Friday, October 9, 2015

Nocturnus Libertus Nostalgia

This is a little old, but when people get it this hard, they should be remembered.
She's still out there on facebook and youtube, I guess.

Thursday, October 1, 2015

Fisk Like The Wind

John Hawkins has 25 Useful Political Rules of Thumb I have 25 Zippy Comebacks for him:

  1. This is victim-blaming, rape-culture, rape-apologism, rape-victim-culture-blame-rape-rape, and racepism.
  2. The most casual perusal of Talking Points Memo proves that Democrats are always quite moderate and Republicans just keep getting more extreme. But you people don't like reading things that challenge your preconceptions, do you?
  3. You're the one's who should take responsibility. For the bad stuff. That you're responsible for. Koch brothers.
  4. That's racist.
  5. "I'm a big dumb idiot who isn't smart" - Snarls Kook-slimer
  6. Sometimes they're Green or a Socialist.
  7. Yeah, like YOU people! Not us, YOU!!!
  8. "Duh, me no know Republicans extreme because me no reed." - Blames Blow'Beef
  9. Don't question my patriotism.
  10. Hey buddy, if you don't like how we do things here in the good ol' USA, yew can just git out.
  11. This one actually is true, because corporate media has a pro corporate capitali$t bia$. Corporati$m. $wa$tica.
  12. Yum, white tears.
  13. (link anecdote about private business that went under due to inefficiency)
  14. Halliburton Koch brothers pee pee doo doo wee wee.
  15. So I suppose policies should serve the interest of majorities instead of minorities, then?
  16. Change "interest groups" to "Jews" and "voters" to "white Christian heterosexuals". Now how does it sound?
  17. Oh, yeah, well how about I take a dump on your face?
  18. No, YOU!!!
  19. Rich people still exist, therefore the government is not taxing and spending enough, QED.
  20. Eat crap.
  21. "I like eat poop or something." - Dumn-ass So-smell
  22. You're so dumb and extreme you don't even believe that we've been constantly moving toward extreme right-wing dystopia no matter how many times you're told.
  23. Kakapoopoo!
  24. That wasn't Voltaire, that was a bad guy, so you're bad.
  25. Well, I'm SORRY I just truth-blitterated you with my smart-vicserating logic-bombs of win.

Saturday, September 26, 2015

N.M. Bashir has invited you to play Don't Drop the Plop

Scroll down a little way, the thing at the top is an ad.

Hit me... hit me... hit me...

The statement: "We must raise the minimum wage" is an absolute axiomatic truism, regardless of any factors such as the current minimum wage or the current market value of unskilled labor. Therefore, it ought to be raised infinitely forever.

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

"The atheist/skeptical community is shockingly full of racism, sexism, and libertarianism"

That it is racist to belive that a metal box with some wires and capacitors in it and no obvious way of indicating what time it doesn't look like a clock, goes without saying. The question remaining is: Is any movement, organization, or demographic group associated with such a vile individual ipso facto collectively racist? This question is examined with Talmudically thorough concientiousness in the comments to this metafilter post: Is popular Atheism racist?

Friday, September 18, 2015

You better SMILE when you say abortion

I Love Abortion. You in the back, the teenager who just got an abortion, stop crying, it's counterproductive to the movement.

Thursday, September 17, 2015

What would we do without The Nation?

Many do not recognize the fact that Barack Obama is a Foreign Policy Grandmaster. This is because:


  • He's very subtle about it.
  • They don't appreciate the importance of the administration's popularity in Cuba.
  • They are imperialist racists.
  • Poo poo pee pee.

Thursday, August 27, 2015

Trivia

Some interesting little factoids I've been accumulating.
  • Rocky IV is literally the only historical precedent for Russian territorial aggression.
  • The existence of submarines renders the rest of the navy entirely obsolete.
  • When white people get arrested, they're allowed to just beat the cop up and leave.
  • All of the dissenting opinions in Obergefell v. Hodges were just crude paraphrases from Leviticus, and are satisfactorily refuted by smartass remarks about shrimp.
  • George Takei has dignity.
  • Depending on who you are, mentioning slavery can be tantamount to defending it.
  • Apart from their genocidal racism, the police never do anything else wrong.

Saturday, August 22, 2015

Step right up and win some crap*


Who said it, Trump or Hillary? Calm down, we'll be back to our regular Palin 'n' Poo format next weekend.

*You can't actually win any crap.

Thursday, August 6, 2015

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Saturday, August 1, 2015

No weekend diversion this weekend

Because last weekends diversion is still here on the front page, taunting me for not posting more this week. Yesterday's post should do in a pinch, though.

Thursday, July 30, 2015

Thick misogynists still don't get it

The logic of this piece is both subtle and complex, so I thought it might be helpful for me to diagram it so that you can learn to use this kind of argument yourself against some pissbaby fauxervatives or something:

 Deny → Insult → General incredulity → More insult → Mention that you went to college → Repeat